I so want to improve – I seek out and work hard with truly great teachers.
But sometimes the floor just drops away – everything you thought you knew is questioned and shown to be weak. Not just one thing – but absolutely everything.
I normally welcome the learning experiences so much – I know that I dance as I do and I so want to be better. I think we are all comfortable with incremental progress.
I absolutely do not want to dance now in the same limited way as I did last month.
But sometimes – like for me right now – it is so hard. I feel I am drowning – fighting for the support of a floor that is no longer there.
Exciting, full of potential – but demoralising and actually physically and mentally painful.
My head is so full I feel that I cannot move. Nothing will flow for a while as my head is shouting thoughts at me – and yet to dance we all need our bodies to be free and not blocked.
Everything I thought I knew is being questioned and I am being given a new instruction set to rebuild it so it will stand up to the hardest of examinations.
I always needed to move forwards – but sometimes when we ask for whole new levels in our dance technique, musical understanding and awareness of ours and our partners bodies – just sometimes it actually happens – and then that floor drops away so far into the deep that we feel we have lost everything – and we cannot breathe.
That is me right now.