The most beautiful thing in my life

I so want to celebrate everything about you but sometimes, like this evening, for hours I just cry and cry – exhausting myself with the memory of you.

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You led the way for me even when everything was hurting you so much.

I so want to see your eyes again, and of course I never will. I want to hear you breathe, peacefully asleep on the stone floor as if it was a soft duvet.

I want to watch you head tilt to one side, always your left, as you try to catch every word I say to you, however softly.

You loved me so unconditionally and I feel so incredibly honoured. Your name is Charlie and you changed absolutely everything about how I think about life, what is possible, what is simple and what is complex. Even now, after all this time, you are still leading me, guiding me. Thank you.

I can still feel what it was like to put my arms around you – and how you were slightly embarrassed when I did.

Nothing, no-one comes close to you.

I just want to give you such an enormous hug – and I can’t – so I just keep crying, and holding the sensation of being with you.

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